Stop Telling Your Kids Santa Claus is Real
Children create their own magic. We don't need to lie to them.
Have you ever poured green food dye into a toilet to simulate the urine of a Leprechaun?
If so, you’re probably not going to like what I have to say very much.
At some point, between Elf on the Shelf and the Tooth Fairy, we’ve decided to go all in on make-believe with our children. To the point where it’s not supposed to even be make-believe. We want them to think it’s real. No figure is more indicative of this than Santa Claus.
When it comes to jolly ole St. Nick, this isn’t a dress rehearsal. This isn’t storytime. A man is physically coming into the home, leaving gifts and eating. Not only that, but he’s an omniscient being, as is creepily made clear in the song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”:
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
Almost sends a shiver down your spine. Some parents go as far as to doctor up grainy security footage of Santa Claus entering their home.
My son is five and we’ve decided to take the unpopular stance that we don’t need to “do Santa Claus.” When I tell people that, they look at me like I’m a monster. But guess what? My son is super excited about Christmas. He loves the Grinch (not surprisingly), he’s pouring over the Amazon catalog, we read a book called Stick Man, in which an anthropomorphic tree branch gets lost far from home during the holidays and is almost burned up in a fireplace until Santa drops through and saves him!
So I’m not going around saying “there is no Santa Claus!” I’m fine with having fun with the story, pretending. But to put on an elaborate charade that could literally last a decade to make a child believe this omnipotent being is physically present in our home is a bridge too far.
I Don’t Like Lying to My Kid
Before you hate me too much, let me just say I don’t think it’s wrong to force your kids to believe in Santa. It’s ok to lie to them for years and threaten them with retribution from Claus if they don’t behave. I’m sure it’s harmless fun and they won’t hold it against you when they find out it’s all a lie.
Everyone has different tactics in parenting, and there’s no arbiter of what works and what doesn’t.
I just have a thing about lying to my son. I try not to do it. I’m not saying I’m perfect or that no one should ever lie to children, but I don’t want to break a trust by orchestrating this years-long falsehood, and for what? To have even more fun? He’s having fun all the time. To put more of a fixation on getting gifts and toys? He will get plenty of gifts. He’ll be lucky to have them. To create magic?
The thing is kids create plenty of magic on their own. They have very active fantasy worlds. They’re extremely imaginative. So the idea that they need this magic generated for them in the form of Santa Claus I think is just not true. They will have tremendous magic and excitement with or without the omnipotent being entering the home.
I don’t see why Santa can’t just be treated as a character like any other character. We’re not telling our kids that Mickey Mouse is a real being living in a magic kingdom. We don’t tell them the Paw Patrol actually exists as a canine search and rescue outfit in Adventure Bay.
The same goes for Elf on the Shelf peering down from the kitchen cabinets or the Leprechaun peeing in the toilet. Some people worry about hyper realistic video games. Well, what about hyper realistic fantasies? Why are we taking it so far?
One academic paper even went as far as to suggest Elf on the Shelf perpetuates the acceptance of a surveillance state, because instead of playing with the doll based on their own imagination they’re forced to accept that the doll is there to watch them and report on their behavior. That may be a bit of a stretch, but at the same time, it doesn’t even make sense that Santa Claus would need surveillance given his ability to monitor the behavior of every child.
Santa isn’t for Everyone
For a lot of families, the holidays are a real financial squeeze. And a lot of people are willing to spend more than they would like to make it special for their kids. Why should they have to share the credit of their sacrifice with an imaginary character?
You did the work, you should be rewarded. The gifts are from you. It’s ok for kids to know this stuff doesn’t materialize out of thin air.
There’s also a bit of socioeconomic bias embedded in the Santa tradition, because kids from lower income families are going to get less from him than kids from higher income families, regardless of how naughty or nice they’ve been.
It’s not that magical when the poor kid doesn’t get what he wants from a god-like being with unlimited resources.
We also have to consider people of cultures and religions who don’t celebrate Santa or Christmas. Do we think Jewish or Muslim parents are robbing their kids of some essential experience because they don’t partake? Of course not. There’s probably also some Christians who consider him a false idol.
I often hear parents talk about how they’re determined to keep this belief going in Santa as long as possible. How they’re devastated when their child reveals that they don’t believe. It’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself and the child. A lot of weight on a ruse. And let’s face it, it’s entirely possible that after a certain age, the kids are just humoring you.
Which brings us to the essential question we have to ask any time we “do something for the children.” Are we doing it for them, or ourselves?
I love this!